Again, the thought did occur to me. Largely because I knew that you would think I'd be secretly upset about losing something that had barely begun. [ it's not hard to figure out Drift's mindset on the matter. ] You wouldn't have been entirely wrong to think it either. I know I would have acted like it was nothing.
[ not that he wouldn't have been secretly upset. Megatron would have felt a bit of a loss, then reprimanded himself for it. it isn't for him to impede on someone's happiness. he has no illusions that he deserves it for himself. ]
And quite frankly, Drift, you are the least selfish person I know. At the moment. Who is alive.
[ because in the end, Bee had been quite selfless. but that's not what this is about. Megatron brings Drift's hand to his mouth, an action that he has grown rather accustomed to doing as of late. ]
I can't say that this isn't... Unusual. Yet your other partner seems to be in agreement with you so who am I to judge? Am I not just as selfish for allowing it?
I guess that makes it easy then; we're both on the same page. [A beat.] Except that part about you deserving good things.
[Yeah, Drift can guess your mindset too, Megatron.] I think we've seen what happens to people who have few in the way of good things in their lives. Deserving or not, good things help us be better people.
[Drift often wonders what his early life would have been life if he'd been less destitute. But even with that philosophy is hard to think himself deserving. Small wonder why selfishness comes up. Drift flusters a bit, faceplates gently heating.]
I, er. T-thank you?
[He can't imagine it honestly.]
Does that mean you will? That's what I wanted to ask you today. If you'd be willing to continue and if there were any, I don't, terms to make things work better?
[ casually not going to admit that Drift apparently can trace some of his thought processes so easily. transparency... Megatron doesn't know what to do with it.
but there's the real meat of the conversation coming up. Megatron can dance around the other topic a little longer. Drift's flustered face provides him with that slight distraction - not that he believes in any way that it has been forgotten. ]
Terms? Now you make it sound like a binding contract. [ he chuckles, then gives it some serious thought. ] I am not opposed to continuing, Drift. As for how to make things work better, I couldn't say. This... Is not familiar territory. I know not what to expect and what to demand.
You didn't need to. [Drift smiles an understanding smile.]
I've been there, remember?
[They share more than a few things in common, it's one of the
reasons this is working between them.]
Then give me a better word, poet. [He teases. But really, Drift
doesn't know a better word because it's not familiar territory for him
either.] Look, I just want to do right by both of you, I'm not sure
how any of this works either.
I know. Really, being so transparent puts me ill at ease.
[ it's not about Drift. more like Megatron isn't really sure what to do when people can so easily tell what is on his mind. it's been too long since anyone really has. ]
Which I know you do. I think that we will just have to stumble along, finding where to dig in and where to yield. It isn't going to be particularly easy, but... Well, I suppose you's say "hopefully rewarding."
[ what works for him doesn't necessarily work for Drift and Rodimus. every facet has their own personality and quirks to match. it's finding that balance, where all three mesh well enough together, that is going to take time to nurture. ]
Because it's different from what you're used to or for some other reason?
[Drift chuckles.] It's true. I would say that. And believe it too.
[Then leans a little closer, helm coming to rest on the wide shoulder.]. I love that about you, though. You balance Rodimus so well. I love him dearly and I love what we have together but I could never handle two of him.
[ the other reasons are multitudinous. people could take advantage of him. of those that he knows. his trust could be misplaced. but it is true that the majority of it has to deal with it being so new and different for him. ]
And yes, I know full well that you believe it. It's quite infectious.
[ Megatron freezes for just an instant. does Drift realize the vocabulary he just used? had it been an accident or deliberate? love...
it does much to fluster him for a moment. then he takes to focusing on Drift continues on to say. ]
I'm sure you could, if it came to that. Thankfully, I am blessedly different than he.
It's not such a bad thing though, if you think about it. People starting to understand you, being able to relate you, that's a good thing. They should know you, not your persona.
[It's important, if Megatron wants life to take a new course and leave the old one behind. The ex-warlord might argue that it's temporary as is his remaining lease on life, but Drift wants to have hope the Knights might pardon Megatron and let him continue to make a positive difference in the world.
And no, Drift isn't quite aware of his subconscious word choice, otherwise there'd be two flustered mechs here, not one. He gives Megatron a queer look, wondering if he sensed that momentary flux in Megatron's aura correctly.]
I don't know. I love the adventure sure, and all the cuddling but given his libido? Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining, but I think my hip gimbals would give out if I have to satisfy two like him.
It is terrible. Horrible, even. Why... People being able to understand and relate to me... Someone might make the mistake and think that I am no different than they!
[ it's so full of sarcasm and mock horror. Megatron isn't taking the notion seriously. not many actually DO want to understand him. most would feel horrified by the prospect.
and yes. yes such things are temporary. eventually everyone will just go back to hating him. for good reason. ]
His libido is... Something. [ Megatron's been there. he gets it. ] However now it is I that is wondering how mine will hold out with you two.
I wasn't either. Until somewhat recently. I never gave it much though because I believed it to be an elaborate rouse.
[ it's small though. just the beginnings of something. ]
That partially drunk conversation of his, the one that happened due to his depression over thoughts of losing you, that loosened his tongue. And perhaps my own.
[ As much as Drift is an idealist, he still recognizes that it's
delusion to think things will reach a settled state constant contentment.
Even Crystal City had its issues under all the glamour and glitz.]
[ Drift. stop bringing this conversation down. truthfully, it has taken quite a different turn hasn't it? very well. time to get it back on track. Megatron shifts, bumping Drift on his lap closer still. ]
I am not sure. Not entirely. He made me promise to have a talk with him after he patched things up with you. However, since Rodimus made mention of taking about 'us' after confronting you...
[ a small shrug. ]
You tell me what that could mean.
[ Rodimus still seems to want to pursue something with Megatron is what it means. ]
[It's all about expectations. He thought he'd finally be happy when the war was won and he could go home.... Obviously things went entirely differently. He knows it's better to try and be happy in there here and instead of relying on some possibly unattainable point in the future when things 'go smoothly', but Drift is also an idealist and dreaming for a better future is an easy habit to fall into.]
It's just a part of life, there's no reason we can't find great moments even amidst it all. I mean... [He lays a hand meaningfully on Megatron's chestplate.] Isn't this pretty great?
[Drift grins.]
And that's pretty great too. I think he's figuring out what he wants. Or rather, coming to terms with desiring you, and if that desire is something more than physical. Which... [he chuckles.] I kind of knew all along. He's told me himself that he's bad of casual interfacing, that he always grows attached to this partners if they become regular. I think the physical vehicle is how he decides how he feels, if its worth pursuing, and not having access to that vehicle with you has made him flustered and uncertain with how to define the feelings.
[ at least someone is constantly looking for that silver lining. Megatron certainly deals with the possibility of many 'what ifs' and 'what could bes' instead of being hopeful.
his optics lower towards Drift's hand. there are certainly perks, yes. good things that make the bad seem... distant. ]
I am not complaining about it.
[ even if the physical tough without it being related to some sort of wound is still new in his mind.
and while it might be pretty great that Rodimus is finally figuring out what he wants out of life - and from who - it also puts Megatron in a position he hadn't thought about. listening to Drift speak... ]
Then why bother with casual interfacing at all? If it is as you say, that he uses the physical aspect to feel out and define what's working for him, then I fear he might have to find a new method in dealing with myself. I have already stated that I am not prepared for something purely physical.
Ha. Well that's good. Otherwise things might get...a little awkward.
[It's good that Drift knows Megatron is generally a pretty cool
customer these days, or that comment might be uninspiring as far as
responses to sparkfelt gestures go.
Drift keeps his grin but shakes his helm a little.]
That's exactly what I'm saying, Megatron. Heh. But I'm also saying it's
never really purely physical. It's just...getting him to admit to having
those feelings is another thing. He feels things very deeply. Deeply enough
that I think it scares him sometimes.
[ Megatron takes Drift's hand - the one over his chestplate - and just holds it. ]
It's already a little awkward. We're just getting better at it, I should think.
[ yes, it's a very good thing that Drift can read him as well as he can. there are moments where Megatron absolutely loathes it, for varying reasons, but overall... at least there is one person he doesn't really have to worry about misunderstanding his idiosyncrasies. ]
I can relate. [ ouch, it hurts to admit that. ] On some level. Really what'd I'd like to do is rip that over-inflated ego of his apart and put it back together properly. Thus his confidence would be true to himself.
Okay really awkward. [ He chuckles softly. ] But yes, I take your meaning.
[ Drift imagines that many aren't always patient with Megatron, thus, he feels he should spearhead this effort. Now...just because he understands those idiosyncrasies doesn't mean a few of them don't drive Drift crazy. But again...patience. Wing was his example in that, Drift can try to do at least as well. ]
Ahem. I can as well. [ Not that Drift has enraged on anyone since Wing's death, but that doesn't mean it might not happen again. He has people he cares about even more deeply now. ] If only it were that easy. Maybe the key is understand why it needs to be over-inflated? Alsooooo... [ He pokes Megatron in a belly vent. ]...Rodimus is not that bad.
He is that bad. To know it and yet do nothing to change it is... [ Megatron pauses here, hand squeezing Drift's tighter. ] It's a vicious cycle that can break a person - drive them to create situations or break themselves entirely. The only problem here is that Rodimus and his mask of confidence pushes people away and rejects those that could help him be the type of person that he'd like to be.
[ Megatron isn't blind to it. in fact, eve he had been guilty of it. the isolating of oneself. he is unsure if Rodimus realizes that he does this or not. the tank doubts it is intention, unlike how Megatron had been. ]
Drift, I just don't want him to look back in a thousand years and end up plagued the same way you or I are - with thoughts of "did I really do the right thing?" He wears it heavily enough as it is in the present.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 05:10 pm (UTC)[ not that he wouldn't have been secretly upset. Megatron would have felt a bit of a loss, then reprimanded himself for it. it isn't for him to impede on someone's happiness. he has no illusions that he deserves it for himself. ]
And quite frankly, Drift, you are the least selfish person I know. At the moment. Who is alive.
[ because in the end, Bee had been quite selfless. but that's not what this is about. Megatron brings Drift's hand to his mouth, an action that he has grown rather accustomed to doing as of late. ]
I can't say that this isn't... Unusual. Yet your other partner seems to be in agreement with you so who am I to judge? Am I not just as selfish for allowing it?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 10:29 pm (UTC)[Yeah, Drift can guess your mindset too, Megatron.] I think we've seen what happens to people who have few in the way of good things in their lives. Deserving or not, good things help us be better people.
[Drift often wonders what his early life would have been life if he'd been less destitute. But even with that philosophy is hard to think himself deserving. Small wonder why selfishness comes up. Drift flusters a bit, faceplates gently heating.]
I, er. T-thank you?
[He can't imagine it honestly.]
Does that mean you will? That's what I wanted to ask you today. If you'd be willing to continue and if there were any, I don't, terms to make things work better?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-29 02:25 am (UTC)[ casually not going to admit that Drift apparently can trace some of his thought processes so easily. transparency... Megatron doesn't know what to do with it.
but there's the real meat of the conversation coming up. Megatron can dance around the other topic a little longer. Drift's flustered face provides him with that slight distraction - not that he believes in any way that it has been forgotten. ]
Terms? Now you make it sound like a binding contract. [ he chuckles, then gives it some serious thought. ] I am not opposed to continuing, Drift. As for how to make things work better, I couldn't say. This... Is not familiar territory. I know not what to expect and what to demand.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-29 04:23 am (UTC)You didn't need to. [Drift smiles an understanding smile.] I've been there, remember?
[They share more than a few things in common, it's one of the reasons this is working between them.]
Then give me a better word, poet. [He teases. But really, Drift doesn't know a better word because it's not familiar territory for him either.] Look, I just want to do right by both of you, I'm not sure how any of this works either.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-29 04:54 am (UTC)[ it's not about Drift. more like Megatron isn't really sure what to do when people can so easily tell what is on his mind. it's been too long since anyone really has. ]
Which I know you do. I think that we will just have to stumble along, finding where to dig in and where to yield. It isn't going to be particularly easy, but... Well, I suppose you's say "hopefully rewarding."
[ what works for him doesn't necessarily work for Drift and Rodimus. every facet has their own personality and quirks to match. it's finding that balance, where all three mesh well enough together, that is going to take time to nurture. ]
I know I require a bit more patience.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-29 05:27 am (UTC)[Drift chuckles.] It's true. I would say that. And believe it too.
[Then leans a little closer, helm coming to rest on the wide shoulder.]. I love that about you, though. You balance Rodimus so well. I love him dearly and I love what we have together but I could never handle two of him.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:49 am (UTC)[ the other reasons are multitudinous. people could take advantage of him. of those that he knows. his trust could be misplaced. but it is true that the majority of it has to deal with it being so new and different for him. ]
And yes, I know full well that you believe it. It's quite infectious.
[ Megatron freezes for just an instant. does Drift realize the vocabulary he just used? had it been an accident or deliberate? love...
it does much to fluster him for a moment. then he takes to focusing on Drift continues on to say. ]
I'm sure you could, if it came to that. Thankfully, I am blessedly different than he.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-31 06:22 pm (UTC)[It's important, if Megatron wants life to take a new course and leave the old one behind. The ex-warlord might argue that it's temporary as is his remaining lease on life, but Drift wants to have hope the Knights might pardon Megatron and let him continue to make a positive difference in the world.
And no, Drift isn't quite aware of his subconscious word choice, otherwise there'd be two flustered mechs here, not one. He gives Megatron a queer look, wondering if he sensed that momentary flux in Megatron's aura correctly.]
I don't know. I love the adventure sure, and all the cuddling but given his libido? Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining, but I think my hip gimbals would give out if I have to satisfy two like him.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 02:56 am (UTC)[ it's so full of sarcasm and mock horror. Megatron isn't taking the notion seriously. not many actually DO want to understand him. most would feel horrified by the prospect.
and yes. yes such things are temporary. eventually everyone will just go back to hating him. for good reason. ]
His libido is... Something. [ Megatron's been there. he gets it. ] However now it is I that is wondering how mine will hold out with you two.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 04:19 am (UTC)[ Wow wait a second. That has to be sarcasm, but it sounds so alien coming out of Megatron's mouth. Well, on that level anyway. ]
Tch. If you don't take the possibility seriously, neither will anyone else. It starts with you.
[ Huff. ]
But you're a good strategist. I'm sure you'd think of something. Question is, do you care to try~
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 04:57 am (UTC)Took you a moment.
[ to understand that his words had been nothing but sarcasm. and Drift usually reads him so well anymore it's nearly terrifying. ]
I am not quite ready for an attempt to appease two at once. There are... Certain things that need established first.
[ like a good basis for Rodimus and himself, to start. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 05:15 am (UTC)[ Drift turns on Megatron, the question open and honest and maybe a little hopeful. ]
The possibility I mean. Of establishing something?
[ Now he's being serious. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 05:22 am (UTC)Yes. I'm not sure I understand why this is a hard thing to grasp.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 05:36 am (UTC)[ Wow. He's not daft. ]
I simply wasn't aware you'd developed an affection for him.
[ A beat. Then a small smile. ]
Good.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 05:44 am (UTC)[ it's small though. just the beginnings of something. ]
That partially drunk conversation of his, the one that happened due to his depression over thoughts of losing you, that loosened his tongue. And perhaps my own.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 05:50 am (UTC)[ That's a pleasant realization, except.... ]
Ah. Forgive me if I don't volunteer for additional drama between Rodimus and I just to draw the two of you closer.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-08 05:56 am (UTC)[ like ever, Drift. he has never really been in a true relationship either so... ]
I'm anticipating the conversation that we're going to have.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-09 01:21 am (UTC)How much of life actually runs smoothly though?
[ As much as Drift is an idealist, he still recognizes that it's delusion to think things will reach a settled state constant contentment. Even Crystal City had its issues under all the glamour and glitz.]
Which conversation would that be?
no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 06:25 am (UTC)Hardly ever...
[ Drift. stop bringing this conversation down. truthfully, it has taken quite a different turn hasn't it? very well. time to get it back on track. Megatron shifts, bumping Drift on his lap closer still. ]
I am not sure. Not entirely. He made me promise to have a talk with him after he patched things up with you. However, since Rodimus made mention of taking about 'us' after confronting you...
[ a small shrug. ]
You tell me what that could mean.
[ Rodimus still seems to want to pursue something with Megatron is what it means. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-08-14 05:21 pm (UTC)It's just a part of life, there's no reason we can't find great moments even amidst it all. I mean... [He lays a hand meaningfully on Megatron's chestplate.] Isn't this pretty great?
[Drift grins.]
And that's pretty great too. I think he's figuring out what he wants. Or rather, coming to terms with desiring you, and if that desire is something more than physical. Which... [he chuckles.] I kind of knew all along. He's told me himself that he's bad of casual interfacing, that he always grows attached to this partners if they become regular. I think the physical vehicle is how he decides how he feels, if its worth pursuing, and not having access to that vehicle with you has made him flustered and uncertain with how to define the feelings.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-18 01:33 am (UTC)his optics lower towards Drift's hand. there are certainly perks, yes. good things that make the bad seem... distant. ]
I am not complaining about it.
[ even if the physical tough without it being related to some sort of wound is still new in his mind.
and while it might be pretty great that Rodimus is finally figuring out what he wants out of life - and from who - it also puts Megatron in a position he hadn't thought about. listening to Drift speak... ]
Then why bother with casual interfacing at all? If it is as you say, that he uses the physical aspect to feel out and define what's working for him, then I fear he might have to find a new method in dealing with myself. I have already stated that I am not prepared for something purely physical.
[ not in this stage in his life. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-08-18 05:11 am (UTC)Ha. Well that's good. Otherwise things might get...a little awkward.
[It's good that Drift knows Megatron is generally a pretty cool customer these days, or that comment might be uninspiring as far as responses to sparkfelt gestures go.
Drift keeps his grin but shakes his helm a little.]
That's exactly what I'm saying, Megatron. Heh. But I'm also saying it's never really purely physical. It's just...getting him to admit to having those feelings is another thing. He feels things very deeply. Deeply enough that I think it scares him sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-31 09:00 pm (UTC)It's already a little awkward. We're just getting better at it, I should think.
[ yes, it's a very good thing that Drift can read him as well as he can. there are moments where Megatron absolutely loathes it, for varying reasons, but overall... at least there is one person he doesn't really have to worry about misunderstanding his idiosyncrasies. ]
I can relate. [ ouch, it hurts to admit that. ] On some level. Really what'd I'd like to do is rip that over-inflated ego of his apart and put it back together properly. Thus his confidence would be true to himself.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-06 04:52 am (UTC)[ Drift imagines that many aren't always patient with Megatron, thus, he feels he should spearhead this effort. Now...just because he understands those idiosyncrasies doesn't mean a few of them don't drive Drift crazy. But again...patience. Wing was his example in that, Drift can try to do at least as well. ]
Ahem. I can as well. [ Not that Drift has enraged on anyone since Wing's death, but that doesn't mean it might not happen again. He has people he cares about even more deeply now. ] If only it were that easy. Maybe the key is understand why it needs to be over-inflated? Alsooooo... [ He pokes Megatron in a belly vent. ]...Rodimus is not that bad.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-30 10:22 pm (UTC)[ Megatron isn't blind to it. in fact, eve he had been guilty of it. the isolating of oneself. he is unsure if Rodimus realizes that he does this or not. the tank doubts it is intention, unlike how Megatron had been. ]
Drift, I just don't want him to look back in a thousand years and end up plagued the same way you or I are - with thoughts of "did I really do the right thing?" He wears it heavily enough as it is in the present.
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