sorrynotguilty | IC Inbox

I wasn't either. Until somewhat recently. I never gave it much though because I believed it to be an elaborate rouse.

[ it's small though. just the beginnings of something. ]

That partially drunk conversation of his, the one that happened due to his depression over thoughts of losing you, that loosened his tongue. And perhaps my own.

Ahhh, so that's what it was. I knew about it happening but not that it'd had such results.

[ That's a pleasant realization, except.... ]

Ah. Forgive me if I don't volunteer for additional drama between Rodimus and I just to draw the two of you closer.

I'd rather everything start running smoothly myself. I've never been so involved in relationship drama. Ever.

[ like ever, Drift. he has never really been in a true relationship either so... ]

I'm anticipating the conversation that we're going to have.

How much of life actually runs smoothly though?

[ As much as Drift is an idealist, he still recognizes that it's delusion to think things will reach a settled state constant contentment. Even Crystal City had its issues under all the glamour and glitz.]

Which conversation would that be?

[ sigh ]

Hardly ever...

[ Drift. stop bringing this conversation down. truthfully, it has taken quite a different turn hasn't it? very well. time to get it back on track. Megatron shifts, bumping Drift on his lap closer still. ]

I am not sure. Not entirely. He made me promise to have a talk with him after he patched things up with you. However, since Rodimus made mention of taking about 'us' after confronting you...

[ a small shrug. ]

You tell me what that could mean.

[ Rodimus still seems to want to pursue something with Megatron is what it means. ]

[It's all about expectations. He thought he'd finally be happy when the war was won and he could go home.... Obviously things went entirely differently. He knows it's better to try and be happy in there here and instead of relying on some possibly unattainable point in the future when things 'go smoothly', but Drift is also an idealist and dreaming for a better future is an easy habit to fall into.]

It's just a part of life, there's no reason we can't find great moments even amidst it all. I mean... [He lays a hand meaningfully on Megatron's chestplate.] Isn't this pretty great?

[Drift grins.]

And that's pretty great too. I think he's figuring out what he wants. Or rather, coming to terms with desiring you, and if that desire is something more than physical. Which... [he chuckles.] I kind of knew all along. He's told me himself that he's bad of casual interfacing, that he always grows attached to this partners if they become regular. I think the physical vehicle is how he decides how he feels, if its worth pursuing, and not having access to that vehicle with you has made him flustered and uncertain with how to define the feelings.

[ at least someone is constantly looking for that silver lining. Megatron certainly deals with the possibility of many 'what ifs' and 'what could bes' instead of being hopeful.

his optics lower towards Drift's hand. there are certainly perks, yes. good things that make the bad seem... distant. ]

I am not complaining about it.

[ even if the physical tough without it being related to some sort of wound is still new in his mind.

and while it might be pretty great that Rodimus is finally figuring out what he wants out of life - and from who - it also puts Megatron in a position he hadn't thought about. listening to Drift speak... ]

Then why bother with casual interfacing at all? If it is as you say, that he uses the physical aspect to feel out and define what's working for him, then I fear he might have to find a new method in dealing with myself. I have already stated that I am not prepared for something purely physical.

[ not in this stage in his life. ]

Ha. Well that's good. Otherwise things might get...a little awkward.

[It's good that Drift knows Megatron is generally a pretty cool customer these days, or that comment might be uninspiring as far as responses to sparkfelt gestures go.

Drift keeps his grin but shakes his helm a little.]

That's exactly what I'm saying, Megatron. Heh. But I'm also saying it's never really purely physical. It's just...getting him to admit to having those feelings is another thing. He feels things very deeply. Deeply enough that I think it scares him sometimes.

[ Megatron takes Drift's hand - the one over his chestplate - and just holds it. ]

It's already a little awkward. We're just getting better at it, I should think.

[ yes, it's a very good thing that Drift can read him as well as he can. there are moments where Megatron absolutely loathes it, for varying reasons, but overall... at least there is one person he doesn't really have to worry about misunderstanding his idiosyncrasies. ]

I can relate. [ ouch, it hurts to admit that. ] On some level. Really what'd I'd like to do is rip that over-inflated ego of his apart and put it back together properly. Thus his confidence would be true to himself.

Okay really awkward. [ He chuckles softly. ] But yes, I take your meaning.

[ Drift imagines that many aren't always patient with Megatron, thus, he feels he should spearhead this effort. Now...just because he understands those idiosyncrasies doesn't mean a few of them don't drive Drift crazy. But again...patience. Wing was his example in that, Drift can try to do at least as well. ]

Ahem. I can as well. [ Not that Drift has enraged on anyone since Wing's death, but that doesn't mean it might not happen again. He has people he cares about even more deeply now. ] If only it were that easy. Maybe the key is understand why it needs to be over-inflated? Alsooooo... [ He pokes Megatron in a belly vent. ]...Rodimus is not that bad.

He is that bad. To know it and yet do nothing to change it is... [ Megatron pauses here, hand squeezing Drift's tighter. ] It's a vicious cycle that can break a person - drive them to create situations or break themselves entirely. The only problem here is that Rodimus and his mask of confidence pushes people away and rejects those that could help him be the type of person that he'd like to be.

[ Megatron isn't blind to it. in fact, eve he had been guilty of it. the isolating of oneself. he is unsure if Rodimus realizes that he does this or not. the tank doubts it is intention, unlike how Megatron had been. ]

Drift, I just don't want him to look back in a thousand years and end up plagued the same way you or I are - with thoughts of "did I really do the right thing?" He wears it heavily enough as it is in the present.

Edited 2017-09-30 22:23 (UTC)

Anyone with a care towards their integrity would look back and question though, look for hindsight. The level of regret that comes in answer though...

[He doesn't need to finish, Megatron knows this fact well. Drift sighs softly with fond exasperation.]

Megatron, realize that he was forced to lead at a very, very young age. The expectations of him have always been high, he doesn't want to disappoint. He's not thinking about improving himself because he's thinking about the people under his care. I'm not saying he couldn't do more....

[Drift pauses, fully aware of Rodimus's flaws and how the fallout has affected himself and the crew.]

But I'm also saying it's not like he isn't trying. You make it sound like he's not making any effort at all. But it's not as easy as you say. He tries. He tries and he fails but he keeps on trying. He never gives up. How many people can say the same? And I've seen him succeed. He is getting better.

You are so caring to want to help. But...have you stopped to consider if he wants the help? That it might be, er, a little overbearing to force it on him? He's taken so much of that from Optimus...

[ Megatron fixes Drift with a look. somewhat exasperated. somewhat amused. in the next moment he does something rather uncharacteristic for him: he flicks Drift right in the center of that crested helm. ]

You do realize that talking him up isn't necessary. As you said, I do care and the level at which I do is rather surprising. Even to myself. I'm aware of his faults and would like to correct some of those behaviors and groom others, but I also know of the qualities that he possesses that I never will. He is already a good leader and has what it takes to be a great one.

[ the tank then settles back against the chair. he gives Drift a shrug. ]

Now, as for if he wants it or not, I believe that is a personal matter between Rodimus and myself. One that has already been addressed. I was not about to force myself upon him, Drift, knowing full well that I am overbearing since I do have high expectations - as I always have high expectations for those I feel some responsibility for.

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